learn

“ I wanted a man who’d experienced pain at one point in his life. I needed someone who wouldn’t be reckless with my heart, who knew what it felt like to hurt. I wanted a man, not a boy. I didn’t want a man afraid of loss but one who wanted me out of joy, out of preference. And I needed to live that way myself, to find someone I truly wanted, not just someone who wanted me."

“ Know yourself fully before making promises to another. Make many mistakes so you’ll know the right decision when it really matters. Know when to hold on and when to let go. Love hard and often, and without reservation. Seek knowledge. Open yourself up to possibility. Keep your heart open, your head high and your spirit free. Embrace your darkness along with your light. Never mislead anyone, especially yourself. Have the courage to admit when you’re wrong. Awaken to the brilliance of ordinary moments. See goodness in the world. Strive to be your best. Be bold. Be grateful. Be wild and gloriously free. Be you. " Jeannete LeBlanc

Bad Bad Bad

Not a good day. Stress and more stress. Arguing. Hurt feelings. Anger. Tears. Eventually things get better because they always do. Sometimes I wonder if they always will.


Haircut was good part of the day. Thanks to Shannon for the laughs and the cool cut.


Try again tomorrow.

um...so...yeah

So much for that whole Day number thing as the title for each entry. I totally shot that all to hell. I wish I had some great story, some real mugshot, some stellar excuse for why I suck at blogging. I don't. I am just the worst blogger EVER. I need to take better care of myself. I need to make more time for myself. Well, Rome wasn't built in a day as my mother so often said as I attempted to clean my room when I was growing up. Rose is nothing if not realistic. I will give this another go. Of course I plan to do this as I am super duper busy with so much else. Baby steps, I guess.

Day 11

Having ringworm sucks. BIG TIME! Not much else going on today. Quiet day spent sleeping and hanging out with Nick and my family. Watched some tv. Watched Intervention, which fascinates me. Currently Hoarders is on, which really disturbs me. Makes me want to get up and start cleaning out closets. Instead, I think I'll just change the channel, snuggle up to Nick and go to sleep.

Day 10

I said 'mama, he's crazy and he scares me
But I want him by my side
Though he's wild and he's bad
And sometimes just plain mad
I need him to keep me satisfied'

I said 'papa, don't cry cause it's alright
And I see you in some of his ways
Though he might not give me the life that you wanted
I'll love him the rest of my days'

Misguided angel hangin' over me
Heart like a gabriel, pure and white as ivory
Soul like a lucifer, black and cold like a piece of lead
Misguided angel, love you 'til I'm dead

I said 'brother, you speak to me of passion
You said never to settle for nothing less
Well, it's in the way he walks,
It's in the way he talks
His smile, his anger and his kisses'

I said 'sister, don't you understand?
He's all I ever wanted in a man
I'm tired of sittin' around the t.v. every night
Hoping I'm finding a mr. right'

Misguided angel hangin' over me
Heart like a gabriel, pure and white as ivory
Soul like a lucifer
Black and cold like a piece of lead
Misguided angel, love you 'til I'm dead

He says 'baby, don't listen to what they say
There comes a time when you have to break away'
He says 'baby there are things we all cling to all our life
It's time to let them go and become my wife'

Misguided angel hangin' over me
Heart like a gabriel, pure and white as ivory
Soul like a lucifer
Black and cold like a piece of lead
Misguided angel, love you 'til I'm dead

Day 9

Mounds and mounds (for us) of snow on the ground and I am off to work tonight while Nick stays in his pajamas and plays video games. Boo. I don't understand people who say they like to work, can't imagine "having" to stay home all day and the best one is the claim to keep working even if they win the lottery. Give me a fucking break. Between video games, books, tv, movies and yummy meals I would like the time to cook I would have absolutely no problem staying home indefinitely. Plus, maybe I would finally get organized. We still haven't taken the tree down. Although, I did unplug it last night. Have to start somewhere, right?
Last night I couldn't take it any more and turned the heat up to 72 but back down to 70 before bed. It had been on a frosty 66-68. For those of you who don't know, I went three years without turning my heat on when I lived in Louisville. Only one of those years did I have a space heater. Ah, to be young(er), warm and determined.
Another highlight to my week, I think I might have ringworm. Eek, I know. No idea how in the world I would have contracted this seeing as how I have barely touched a patient in the past week or so thanks to new girl in orientation. My hero, Nick, braved the elements last night and got me some antifungal cream. Still itches like hell. I'll be sure to track the progress.

Day 8

Started this better day by sleeping in pretty late. Feels good and it will help me stay awake longer tonight so I can sleep later tomorrow since I have to work this weekend. Riveting, I know.
I am so tired of being cold. The snow outside is beautiful and I love to watch the fluffy little flakes but I get tired of being bundled up and still cold. Don't worry, when it warms up I will bitch about it being too hot. I need nice neutral climate. Pretty undecided on what to cook for dinner, depends on what Nick feels like, I guess.

Day 7

Dammit. Sure, we got snow. Not enough snow for Nick to not have to go to work, though. I wanted him to stay home and I was pretty bummed when he couldn't. He also came home with details about his upcoming business trip to Puerto Rico. The one I am not going on with him. Insult + injury! Going to bed to start a better day tomorrow.

Day 6

Day 5

Brrrrrr. It is so freaking cold outside. I hate the cold almost as much as I hate the hot. I can't believe Nick and I ever even entertain the idea of living in Chicago one day. Whatever. Nevergonnahappen. Nice place to visit, to fucking cold to live there. Snow is in the forecast in the next couple days and I hope to have nowhere to go so I can enjoy it the way it should be enjoyed: Looking out window at it while in my warm jammies.
I stopped at the grocery this morning to pick up a few things for dinners this week. I didn't full out grocery shop because I haven't checked the sale papers or my coupons yet. I called my parents to see if they needed anything and since mom had heard "snow" she needed two loaves of bread and a gallon of milk. I don't know about the rest of the world but there is a strange phenomenon that occurs here when snow is coming. People lose their minds over bread and milk. I could almost get it if there was some peanut butter or bologna thrown in there but nope, just bread and milk. I didn't buy either for myself because there is a loaf of bread in the kitchen that I think is still edible and I knew I had milk because I had been drinking it. Besides, it's just snow, right? Still can't explain why, when I got home and saw I had less than half a gallon of milk I felt a pang of regret in my gut.
Major happening of the day was getting a flat tire. I knew I needed to replace that one odd ball tire soon but had no idea soon = now. Luckily, I was within a mile of home. Unluckily, I realized my AAA expired on 12/31/09 and I had forgotten to renew it. I called my dad, dug out the little doughnut tire and sat in the car to wait. I had no tire tool, no jack. Oh well, dad was coming! Dad gets there and he didn't bring a jack. WHAT??!? He threw the doughnut in the back of the van and said, "lets just try to drive it home". Oh, joy! Yes, let's! I get back in the car, arm my flashers and set off at a break neck speed of about 5mph. Dad is behind me with his flashers on and there is a steady build of cars behind him who angrily pass us at any chance. WORST PARADE EVER.

Day 4

Last night with the new chick wasn't so horrible. She's pretty good so that makes my work life pretty easy. I am back at the salt mine tonight but then I have four fabulous days off. I can do it I can do it I can do it. Especially since all I have to do tonight is make sure new chick doesn't kill anyone.
My cable dvr is messing up and not recording my series recordings and I don't have time to deal with the cable company today. I hate the cable company. Their rates are ridiculous and they know I will pay them. I love LOVE cable tv. I get it from my dad. I have resigned myself to pay their way too high prices as long as they deliver the goods. They are currently not delivering the goods so I am even less happy with them. I hate calling them because their ultimate response is to send a tech out. NO THANK YOU. I don't need some sketchy weirdo with dirty boots in my home taking inventory. I barely tolerate people I know in my space. Ugh.
I love my mother. I love my mother. I love my mother. Even when she makes a check I gave her for more than she was suppose to. Totally my fault for giving her blank check. Don't get me wrong, she isn't scamming me it's money that is due her. Thank god the money was in the bank. I was a little shocked at first but it really isn't a big deal. And now I don't owe her anything. Yay!

Day 3

Bleh. Back to work tonight. Bad enough that I have to go but I will have a new nurse in orientation with me tonight. I shouldn't dislike this as much as I do but...I do. I like to keep to myself, do my work, read my book and come home. Orientation requires lots of interaction and talking. I might dislike it less if there was more money involved but there isn't. I would love to stay at home and have someone continue to deposit checks in my account but until that happens I guess I have to go to work. No matter what, life is still beautiful.

Still Day 2

I keep odd hours. I work night shift and not having any real daytime responsibilities, I stay up a lot at night. So, it's still Saturday Jan. 2nd as far as I am concerned. I haven't had much time to post today but felt the need to get something down. Spent a nice lazy day at home, ate leftover homemade enchiladas for dinner. They were leftover from New Year's Day. I made them with my mom, her teaching me how and closely supervising the whole way. Especially when Nick stepped in to help a bit. It was the first time he ever had my mom's enchiladas and it was like sharing a piece of my childhood with him. Now it's off to bed, the bed with new fleece sheets on it. I hope I don't get too hot. Eight degrees outside currently. brrrrrrrrrr.

Day 1

Here I am in 2010. I believed by now I would be living life a la the Jetsons. I am still waiting for Rosie to come clean up and put me on the conveyor belt to get me showered and dressed. I rang in the new year with my love, Nick. We were getting into bed when the countdown began. Flannel sheets, down comforter, a warm black cat (Ouija) on the end of the bed and a kiss from my true love seems a perfect start to this decade.

I wish I would have committed myself to blogging/journaling (not a word, I know) years ago. I have a shit memory and would like to remember some of the finer details from years past. Live and learn, right? I may not be as wild as I was in the past but I am happier now than any other time in my life and I want a record of it somewhere. So here I am. I would like to post something everyday whether it's a photo or rant or whatever I can muster. We'll see. Happy New Year!